Bring me peace
I have decided to start this Blog in hopes of helping others going through similar trials. We are expecting our 4th Baby, I am 23 weeks along. We found out at my 20 week ultrasound that our baby will not survive when it is born... My baby has a rare condition called Potter's syndrome. It doesn't have kidneys, or a bladder.
The grief I feel is unreal, I am devestated. I have cried so much my face has dried out. 3 healthy pregnancies & then this... We were shocked. It is hard to plan a funeral, instead of a nursery. I could carry full term, or baby may choose to come early. I have choosen to carry this baby for as long as I can! I don't know the gender, I can feel baby move, & I have fallen in love with this little one!
I am a member of The church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints. My religion belives in eternal families. I am so greatful to have such a believe that I will one day be able to raise, & meet this Baby of mine.
I have gained an appreciation for the Emma Smith, (Joseph Smith's the Prophet's wife) who lost 6 of 11 children, who had many struggles, & still remained strong in the Lord, & in God; through it all, stood by her husband in faith.
So many people have claimed that I must be so STRONG for God to have chosen me for this baby. However, I do not think I am strong, but weak.
Ether 12:27
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
From my understanding, the strength comes after the trials of faith. Emma was tested, again & again. Cried unto the Lord many times for her babies. Her grief, & pain was unbearable I am sure. But, instead of holding on to bitterness, she turned to her God.
Many people may ask, What did she gain? Why not leave what she believed? It would seem her God had fosaken her. I can't speak for her. But, perhaps she gained humility, knowing that God can give, & take away. She perhaps gained compation, & understanding for those women who struggled the same. She probably gained more gratitude for what she did have.
